I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
