4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
