That's intense
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
they need to just BURY HIM!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
