U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
