I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
