Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
