I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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