There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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