just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
