the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
