best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
