I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
