I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
