He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
