OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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