I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
