Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
