He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
