Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
