I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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