Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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