My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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