If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize