so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
