If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
