Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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