My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
