i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
