It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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