In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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