he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
