i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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