I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
