I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
