He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
