Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
