Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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