I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
