Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
