There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I have vodka in my lungs
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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