Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
