my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
