We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
