ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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