it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
