I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
