garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
