My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
