Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
