just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I cannot find my penis.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
