u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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