ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
