You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
