My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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