She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
