your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
