u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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