I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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