Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
