I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
