Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
