Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
