dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
