I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
