You're earring is so big in my mouth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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