found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
