I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
