The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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