Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
