My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
